Relevant Magazine published an article entitled, “Christians aren’t called to have Amazing Sex”. I’m sure the article title was meant to attract some readership, and it attracted mine. It’s views on abstinence, however, seemed flawed. The overall attitude towards sex, depressing. I’m sure she meant well.
You can read the article here.
Here is my response:
I have to disagree that sexual compatibility "doesn't matter to Christians". I think when we are gifted with abundant life, good sex within the constraints of marriage is not excluded.
I would first make the observation that couples do not have to have sex to make a pretty good judgement about whether they are sexually compatible. Honest, frank communication should be part of the courting process. Abstinence should not prevent communication, especially when a couple is intending to marry. Frank communication on these issues, however, seem to be rare in the church. They shouldn't be.
For instance, if couples express an expectation of Amazing sex in marriage, to each other, before marriage, it would reveal pretty quickly if their expectations and views on sex are compatible. Because of this, I doubt the validity of the claims from the woman who "abstained and then divorced because of it", and suspect there was more to the issue than a "physical" discovery. What did she expect? What did he expect? Did they have that conversation on their honeymoon?
The other thing I would say is that I've always taught my kids (something that I was never taught by the way) that sex before marriage isn't something we avoid in order to please God. Obedience to God is for us. Abstinence is for OUR good, not God's. I believe this distinction is the key to get someone to own and protect their own purity.
Christ's sacrifice forgave sin, all sin. Sin in our past. Sin we are yet to commit. The earthly consequence of sin, however, is ours (and our friends and families) to bear while we live out this mortal life. The bond we make with a sexual partner goes beyond the physical, and will in some way always invade the relationships you eventually build with your future spouse. It will forever color or even damage the potential for future relationships. In my opinion, that's the real reason to abstain.
Of course, only hind-sight can confirm this, and thus is usually learned the hard way.
Here is my response:
I have to disagree that sexual compatibility "doesn't matter to Christians". I think when we are gifted with abundant life, good sex within the constraints of marriage is not excluded.
I would first make the observation that couples do not have to have sex to make a pretty good judgement about whether they are sexually compatible. Honest, frank communication should be part of the courting process. Abstinence should not prevent communication, especially when a couple is intending to marry. Frank communication on these issues, however, seem to be rare in the church. They shouldn't be.
For instance, if couples express an expectation of Amazing sex in marriage, to each other, before marriage, it would reveal pretty quickly if their expectations and views on sex are compatible. Because of this, I doubt the validity of the claims from the woman who "abstained and then divorced because of it", and suspect there was more to the issue than a "physical" discovery. What did she expect? What did he expect? Did they have that conversation on their honeymoon?
The other thing I would say is that I've always taught my kids (something that I was never taught by the way) that sex before marriage isn't something we avoid in order to please God. Obedience to God is for us. Abstinence is for OUR good, not God's. I believe this distinction is the key to get someone to own and protect their own purity.
Christ's sacrifice forgave sin, all sin. Sin in our past. Sin we are yet to commit. The earthly consequence of sin, however, is ours (and our friends and families) to bear while we live out this mortal life. The bond we make with a sexual partner goes beyond the physical, and will in some way always invade the relationships you eventually build with your future spouse. It will forever color or even damage the potential for future relationships. In my opinion, that's the real reason to abstain.
Of course, only hind-sight can confirm this, and thus is usually learned the hard way.
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